Why “Because I Said So” Isn’t Right Always
As parents, when we strive to raise children who are disciplined, well-behaved and obedient, we inadvertently teach them through our words, and actions that the adult is ALWAYS correct. But are we, really?
What this does is deprive children of understanding how arguments and discussions can be made productive. When they question us with something, we mostly end up shushing them or telling them that they are wrong. But is that the right way forward? How will children then understand what it means to “agree to disagree?”
Researchers from the University of California, Berkeley, conducted a study examining how exposure to disagreement scenarios influenced children's moral reasoning. They found that children who were exposed to scenarios involving respectful disagreement developed more nuanced moral perspectives, demonstrating a greater understanding of the importance of considering multiple viewpoints.
Why You Need To Teach Your Kids To Argue:
In a world where experts are harping about the importance of critical thinking, it is essential that we raise children who learn to ask “why” and “why not”. When children learn to question you or have a productive argument, it helps not only build their confidence and put forth their perspective, it also helps them understand that disagreements are a natural part of life and provides them with the tools to navigate conflicts peacefully. This works wonders on their conflict resolution, negotiation and communication skills.
How To Teach Kids To Argue (Better):
1. Teach them about “perspective”. From a young age teach children about why you need to think from the other person’s perspective. Whether in a debate or an argument or a discussion, it is important to understand perspective and not go blindfolded by one’s own.
2. How to handle emotions: Not all arguments will work out in their favour. But how they take it in their stride is what is critical. Be it saying NO to an ice cream or bigger discussions as they grow older-Acknowledge and respect children's feelings, even when their opinions differ from others..
3. Listen more: As parents, between the chores and hustles, we tend to listen less and react more when children share or ask something. What it teaches them is to react the same way, without analysing the issue at hand. Show kids that you are actively listening and brainstorm on the discussion to show that arguments can be productive too!
4. Be the right role model: Demonstrate the power of speaking up by advocating for yourself and others. Children learn best from example. How you handle arguments at home and work goes a long way in teaching them.
5. Common ground. Not every argument will have a clear winner or loser. Help children identify areas of agreement, even if the overall viewpoints differ. This can help build bridges of understanding.
Remember, there is no “my way or the highway". It is important children learn these essential skills of conflict resolution, negotiation, team-building and collaboration through their daily lifestyle. They need to know that it's not just about winning; it's about building skills for a world that values critical thinking, confidence, and understanding different perspectives.
